I just downloaded the AllSTARS album
from the iTunes Music Store. Putting aside the guilty feeling I
always get when buying a license for the playback of music from one
of those DRM-infested stores, I started listening as it was
downloading.
Tracklist wise, I was a bit surprised.
I'd always thought that the album was actually called Starstreet –
named after the show these guys were on. Strike one for me. I'd
assumed that “Funkey”, “Rock This House”, and their excellent
cover of “Love Cats” would be on the album. Strike two for me –
they weren't.
The album starts with their biggest
hit, “Things That Go Bump In The Night”. When I say “biggest
hit”, I mean that it got to number 12 in the UK charts. Yes, the
reason why AllSTARS isn't around anymore is because of incompetent
artist promotion that was rife in the first couple of years of this
century. Kudos to the AllSTARS Street Team, who did get that single
up so high on the charts.
TTGMITN is very similar to those Max
Martin songs – you know the ones, where the backing is meant to
sound tough, all the boybands as well as Britney Spears did these
songs. But hey, it's a good start to the album, and although it's
dated it's a very catchy song. If you've got the soundtrack for the
Scooby Doo movie, you'll already have this song.
Next is “Land Of Make Believe”,
which is a fantastic cover of the Bucks Fizz song. A great song,
unusual choice, and of course who can forget Thaila's corset in the
video? (Unfortunately, too many people remember them badly miming the
song on Top Of The Pops – naughty naughty!)
After Kylie's song “Can't Get You Out
Of My Head”, everyone seemed to go nuts about Cathy Dennis as a
songwriter. Suddenly, this nearly-forgotten singer became everyone's
favourite writer, and worked with S Club and Rachel Stevens. She also
wrote “Back When”, which is track 3 on AllSTARS. This song was
the flop that broke the record deal for the group, and although it
isn't really too bad a song, the middle eighth juts out of the song
like a sore toe. It's not as bad as the middle eighth in the Spice
Girls' “Weekend Love”, so I hope that reference gives you an
indication.
A couple of tracks on this album make
me think of Absolute, but they seem not to have been written or
produced by Absolute. I can't find out though, because iTunes only
puts composer names into the files, not producer names. “Love Is”
and “Train Of Thought” are those sort of tracks. Actually, Love
Is has a hilarious line: “I'll solve your problems, I can wear the
hat”. Wear the hat? Someone please tell me what on earth do hats
have to do with solving problems!
“Happy Ever After Endings” is a
cheerful song... well, the backing is, the lyrics sometimes aren't!
Lyrically, this song is a bit of an enigma.
The double-A-side for the Back When
single, “Going All The Way”, is pretty weak; it really sounds
like a B-side. Backing-wise, it's pumping! But the rhymes are
simplistic and a bit like what I'd expect from Hi-5. Amazingly, I'm
not the first person to have compared Hi-5 to AllSTARS. True.
The most memorable part of “You Got
It Bad” is the little reference to You're So Vain - “you
probably think this song is about you, don't you”. Enjoyed. Very
catchy song.
“Tearing Up The World” was actually
co-written by Tracey Ackerman, who did backing vocals for some Steps
songs! Speaking of these sort of songwriting cameos, “You're A
Fool” and “Butterflies” have Andrew Frampton as co-writer; and
“Once Upon A Lifetime” has Simon Ellis, who from memory was in
the Spice Girls live band in 1998?
Tearing Up The World is another catchy
song, and Butterflies has a sort of early 90s feel with great chords;
but You're A Fool is stupid and weak; Allstars gone R&B. It sucks
arse. Skip it. If you're downloading the album, don't bother
downloading this one.
Another little surprise in store for me
on this album. They put 3 ballads in a row. Four, if you count
Butterflies as a ballad, which I don't; but I understand if you do
count it as a ballad. “Once Upon A Lifetime” sounds suspiciously
like S Club's “Two In A Million”. But it's nice in its own right.
I know a guy in India who likes these sort of songs, so I'll send him
this song! Heck, I'll send him the whole album to get rid of my guilt
at buying DRM tracks :-)
“Lost Without You” is quite
forgettable. I'm not sure if it bears resemblance or anything, but it
reminds me of the later part of Atomic Kitten's second debut album.
“Greatest Love Story” is actually
quite good, once you get used to it. Ashley does a spoken bit, with
Sam doing the Darkchild-like noises in the background :-) For those
of you who haven't seen the TV show, Becky had a crush on Ashley, so
this is why Becky sings the main part and Ashley does the spoken. At
the end of the song, I always expect Ashley to say “Can you give me
back my toothbrush? Give me my toothbrush, Becky!”, which was how
the song ends in that particular episode of the show. You've got to
see it to get the joke.
“Train Of Thought”. I think I
mentioned it earlier, as one of the Absolute-like songs. But yeah,
it's very catchy.
Is there something I should know? No.
This is another cover version – I think the original was by Depeche
Mode or some group like that. I hate it. Not AllSTARS' fault though,
as my beef is with the lyrics. The original line says “You say
you're easy on me, you're about as easy as a nuclear war” which is
so pretentious. “Hey, look at us, we're deep and complex and
political because we talked about nuclear war in a song!”. The
lyric has thankfully been changed for AllSTARS' cover, but whenever I
hear the new lyric I can't help but think of the original line. The
whole song is dumb, anyway. It's just a pity that it's the last song
on the album!
However, I downloaded the version with
the remixes on the end. Don't bother downloading the version with the
remixes. The Almighty mix of Land Of Make Believe sucks arse. The
syncopated nature of “Best Friends” makes it difficult to remix,
and although Almighty do better it's still not that great. The
Xenomania mixes are crap too. I've got a confession to make; I
haven't actually finished downloading. I've still got the Is There
Something I Should Know Mothership Remix to download.
So, should you buy this album? Yes. If
you're a real fan of pop music, you'll really enjoy AllSTARS' album.
I did. And who knows, since Scooch and the Spice Girls have had
comebacks lately, maybe AllSTARS will be the next group to reunite?
We can hope!
7.5 / 10
